Conversation Starters You Can't Use Anymore Because You've Been Abducted from Earth
Couldn't there have been at least ONE other human millennial abducted WITH me?
Just when I finally got my makeshift shelter to stay put for more than two hours, some idiot (not me!) let it get incinerated.
So now, yours truly has to relocate to a different cluster of shelters. I’m sharing a night fire with Shillam the Determined and Chartect the Constitutional who are the worst conversationalists in the entire universe, and it’s not because they don’t have a universal translator like the rest of the Decipraxan species!
I think they are comfortable existing in total silence when they’re with another lifeform. That is sadism. I wouldn’t even stay silent if I was in a room with only a cardboard cutout.
I’ve never been more quiet these days, which I’m sure is a wish come true to many. But never in my life would I have thought the cause of my death would be NOT talking about Drag Race All-Stars.
So to mourn my ability to ever have a conversation I’d WANT to have ever again, here are a list of my Earth-based conversation starters that now serve no purpose.
What meditation app do you use?
Have you ever noticed on the Real Housewives that the plastic surgeons the women see have terrible haircuts?
I’m considering getting an electric toothbrush. Do you have one? Do you like it? Where did you get yours?
What’s your favorite Judge Judy-ism? Mine is “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.” Do you know if she’s a Trump supporter? Or did I just make that up?
Look at that dumb fucking squirrel over there. What a fucking idiot…
Do you do love languages? Honestly,I usually just tell people I like acts of service so we can change subjects.
The economy, am I right? Just kidding. I’m not entirely sure I know what “economy” even means.
Guess who decided to delete all of her dating profiles?! (And, no, it’s not because I found someone.)
I need to start drinking decaf.
Am I supposed to be writing a will? Should I be doing that? Do you have one? Can I copy it?
What inane conversations would you miss if you were abducted from Earth by aliens? Sound off in the comments!